1. I am imagining showing him by blog and making him see I wasnt just being an attention seeking whore. I honestly think this is a brilliant idea, like this is going to work. and do what exactly. what will this achieve, how will this make either one of us feel better. You know he cant fix your problems so how is proving to him you didn't mean to treat him like crap actually going to help you. You need to help you. You can't be helped by someone else, you only need to know that you aren't alone and that you are worth fighting to help yourself. You only need to see how amaizng a person you are.
Yay go peep talk. :)
2. I am imagining, My page takes off, and eventually Chris finds it and he reads it and sees that I liked him and I never meant to hurt him, and what what exactly me, and he gets sad. Do you honestly see sadness in him being a good thing? Do you honestly wan this to be sad to think of you, or is it that you want him to like you, you want to know someone loves you? God girl let me bring you back to reality, it doesn't matter if he does, because you aren't loving yourself, and he won't fix your problems.
3. Your grandmother will come and harass you at school and chris will have you back. Can I even begin with what is wrong with this, firstly, believing your grandmother wants to harass you is sad and mean, and disrespectful, because she loves you and you too have had your differences but she is trying to make it work even though she doesn't always get it right, you love here so you have to take her as she is or leave her. secondly, yeah you should be standing up for yourself, him standing up of you just make you know he cares, and that great and if he does, sooo... that was nice of him, but you need to have your own back not hope others will have it for you.
4. I imagine that Chris will see me in the library. This is silly because that means you are only studying to look good, yeah its okay to want to see him but that doesn't make it better, you need to do these things for yourself. It makes you become something you are not, so that you cant relax or be happy.
5. I am imagining what will happen if chris sees me conquering my fears, I get that you aren't doing it for him, but that you are doing it for yourself, except that you would like him to see how far he has grown so that he is impressed, but it cant matter that much to you.
6. I imagine Chris will see this blog and be impressed, one chances are he won't, because putting it in words, doesn't actually show that huge a development and two it really doesn't matter if he sees a change, because chances are he doesn't ever think about it, yeah I get it you hurt him and you want him to see that you never meant to and you weren't yourself and you are trying to improve the you, but the best way to do that is to actually change and forget about him.
7. an old teacher will come to Hagley and be really happy to see you and bring up a child that you had and gave him. ??? What the fuck, phycology say what? Im gonna be honest this one I have had a lot, pretty sure part of it just comes from my deep desire to be loved and be needed. and that whole idea that if I give someone something they cant turn around and ditch me. How do you get over that?
8. A friend of Chris will tell him he's being a dick. I just want someone that is not me to make him see the wrong, because he always blames it on me, because I'm not okay. and I feel the need to stick with myself to believe in what I am feeling. You know what i making me a little down though, yesterday he said, when need someone else here because with the two of us things always get depressing. :( Im not sure how to feel about that, in truth. that just seems so real, thats our entire friendship, we just make each other depressed. Think that one statement answers all of our questions. Our friendship doesn't work because neither of us are okay, but neither of us want to say goodbye.
9. I am imagining bumping into Chris at the university of Canterbury next year in the music department, probably just to impress him and show him I have a life without him. :P which I totally do. :D
10. I am imagining Chris texting me and me not replying and him getting angry. Honestly that just shows he cares. Simple as that, it just means he cares and I was on his mind, because sometimes its nice to know someone is thinking of you.
3. Your grandmother will come and harass you at school and chris will have you back. Can I even begin with what is wrong with this, firstly, believing your grandmother wants to harass you is sad and mean, and disrespectful, because she loves you and you too have had your differences but she is trying to make it work even though she doesn't always get it right, you love here so you have to take her as she is or leave her. secondly, yeah you should be standing up for yourself, him standing up of you just make you know he cares, and that great and if he does, sooo... that was nice of him, but you need to have your own back not hope others will have it for you.
4. I imagine that Chris will see me in the library. This is silly because that means you are only studying to look good, yeah its okay to want to see him but that doesn't make it better, you need to do these things for yourself. It makes you become something you are not, so that you cant relax or be happy.
5. I am imagining what will happen if chris sees me conquering my fears, I get that you aren't doing it for him, but that you are doing it for yourself, except that you would like him to see how far he has grown so that he is impressed, but it cant matter that much to you.
6. I imagine Chris will see this blog and be impressed, one chances are he won't, because putting it in words, doesn't actually show that huge a development and two it really doesn't matter if he sees a change, because chances are he doesn't ever think about it, yeah I get it you hurt him and you want him to see that you never meant to and you weren't yourself and you are trying to improve the you, but the best way to do that is to actually change and forget about him.
7. an old teacher will come to Hagley and be really happy to see you and bring up a child that you had and gave him. ??? What the fuck, phycology say what? Im gonna be honest this one I have had a lot, pretty sure part of it just comes from my deep desire to be loved and be needed. and that whole idea that if I give someone something they cant turn around and ditch me. How do you get over that?
8. A friend of Chris will tell him he's being a dick. I just want someone that is not me to make him see the wrong, because he always blames it on me, because I'm not okay. and I feel the need to stick with myself to believe in what I am feeling. You know what i making me a little down though, yesterday he said, when need someone else here because with the two of us things always get depressing. :( Im not sure how to feel about that, in truth. that just seems so real, thats our entire friendship, we just make each other depressed. Think that one statement answers all of our questions. Our friendship doesn't work because neither of us are okay, but neither of us want to say goodbye.
9. I am imagining bumping into Chris at the university of Canterbury next year in the music department, probably just to impress him and show him I have a life without him. :P which I totally do. :D
10. I am imagining Chris texting me and me not replying and him getting angry. Honestly that just shows he cares. Simple as that, it just means he cares and I was on his mind, because sometimes its nice to know someone is thinking of you.
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