i am trying not to over think things, but here is the thing, once again I am stuck in a position where he doesn't text me which is confusing because yesterday he said he needed to text people more but I guess that doesn't mean me, oh who gives a shit. Its time to move on, accept the truth, it doesn't matter to him, if you don't matter that much to him, why on earth should you spend hours worrying about whether or not you have done something wrong, move on, just stop, its time to realise that this doesn't matter with this boy. It really doesn't do stop thinking about it. The truth is maybe you do matter to him, he certainly does act like you matter to him, but he doesn't know how to treat you right, you do better when you aren't around him and once you have sorted things out you can go back and hang out, for now though, you need to take a step back and continue to work on yourself with out thinking about him.
Well I removed the temptation to think about Chris by having my phone, of obvious reasons, I think its pretty clear I didn't hide my own phone, I got someone else to. I cant keep doing this, I cant keep wondering if he has replied or wondering what he is doing. I can keep moaning about him on this blog because this blog is about me, me, not him. Its about writing down the emotionally hard period I am going through so that I can see the improvement. The point of the blog was to get the feelings I keep in my head, out of my head so that I can move on, the point of my blog was to make a change with who I am and it is time to take some of my own advice and get my life sorted, there are a lot of decisions to make because I am at an age where everything is going to change and I need to be completely focused on me, because no one else is.
Although, the last time I mention this, I do feel used by him, he texted me, but only because he wanted to know if I had any headphones he got have or if he needed to buy some, and I know that was why he texted me, and then yesterday he asked if he could use my headphones, umm... yeah I am still feeling guilty about what I said to him so I did let him, and I haven't heard from him since... but I'm glad I said it because it has made me more aware of what I am doing and the person I have become and it has also allowed me to see the person he is, the real person he is, and right now I don't want anything to do with person, but I am not going to say that too him, because unfortunately I know the second he replies to my text I will back track all of this and not care anymore about the way he treats me, because the truth is he doesn't know its not nice and this is not the only time I have felt used, I made some mistakes and so I let him walk all over me. mentally I know what to do, emotionally, I don't want to make those changes, so I need to make some within myself, so that I can be more secure and not worry about him.
Why do I worry so much with him, but not with the rest of the people in my life? that is the question. :P
I accept myself, I love myself and I forgive myself for the things I did not know until I learnt.
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