Gratitude.

I wanted to do a post where I say thank you for all the things that have gone right in my life, and even though people will never see this, it will bring my inner positivity, for appreciating what has been sacrificed and given to me so that I may have a life.

My mother.
She had me at 19 and although I wasn't an accident she new what she wanted and wasn't afraid of what people would think about her, It took incredible strength for her to decide to have a child that young, but the truth was, it was what she wanted in life, she wanted to be a mother, and she followed her dreams. I Idolise my mother for the life she gave me, we haven't always seen eye to eye and I have often be to caught up in negativity to appreciate my mother and everything she has done for me, before I started down this gallant path to spirituality. I really haven't ever appreciated my mother and one thing I am glad of is that I am doing it now, before its too late. I know that she has her ideas and due to having a father that wasn't in the picture she did her best to continue to give a stable life and she found herself a new husband that would love us as his own kids, no matter how much we acted like kids. It wasn't easier for her raising me and my brother after out father abandoned us and she could have given up so many times, but she never did, and that was because we mean everything to her. She lives for her kids. and that is why even though she much like ever other parent has made mistakes and done things that have made me angry and upset me she did it out of love to provide us with the best life possible. That is why I idolise my mother, she is so strong and loving and beautiful and she is an amazing mother, and never have said any of this to her and I should because I mean every word of it, my mother sacrificed so much to give us the life she believed we deserved and her strength and courage in raising us shows me the kind of person I want to be, she is strong and independent and I have never appreciated her enough.

My dad... well step dad.
Came into my life when I was 3? 4? and he has been my real father, I did always know it, so caught up in wanting to live with my biological father I failed to see that sometimes your family isn't blood, and my father had his chance to be a father and he left, but my step father chose to love us, chose to take u on as his own kids and be a parent and while other people might have cracked under the strain of raising another mans children he did his best to raise us the only way he knew how. He has been my true father since we meet him, he raised me and made me into the woman I am today and I really haven't appreciated what he has done for me. He much like my mother gave up a lot for us kids, he works long days, as a shitty work to keep a roof over our head and food on the table, and he is often tired and us kids know how to push our parents buttons, be he never got physical he was never abusive, because he just isn't like that.

My Aunt.
Growing up you never know the life stories of you parents and caregivers aunt and other adults. I never understood what my aunty had been through and after everything growing up even through everything she had me over at her often for nights, she always put in an effort to be an aunt even when she wasn't in a good place herself. And then when I got back from auckland she took me like another daughter even though she really didn't need to but it was just what she does, and I was a lot of work because I wasn't in a good place but I wasn't accepting of this, she kept me as long as she could before I was too much for her family, which she has to put first. She tried her best to help me, ut until I admitted there was a problem, nothing could be done she couldn't help me if I wasn't accepting of the help. I never hated her for asking me to leave and move back in with my mother, because that was exactly what I needed. I am embarrassed for the way I was back then. Embarrassed for the person I became and I am proud of the person I am becoming.