So I spent too much time on my own. I guess its going to be one of those werid days, How do I distract myself, Well I have an hour is I stay here and just type, So here are some issues, You are so desperate not to be fat because you think it will fix all of your problems, What is the issue, does this even have anything to do with Jeff, or is the problem with Chris simply because you seem to think more of the relationship then he does, and if so the real trouble was you lying to your mother because thats not true, you can’t expect Chris to act like your boyfriend when he’s not, so what is the issue, and why does your entire life revolve around him. I know you care and have a crush on him I guess you could say. Now the problem is you try and live your entire life as if he’s watching you, you feel this need to be perfect all the time, because he might see you not perfect, how do you get over someone when you have to see them everyday, when you text and when you are friends, you have read books about this and at the end they always end up together, same with movies, but this is reality and while granted the idea came from somewhere why does it seem to make you go so insane are you growing up, are you maturing and are you finally over the idea of Chris. You need to plan a future for yourself and the ideas with Chris are all just that fantasies, its never going to be reality because the truth is you need someone more dependable thats how relationship works and its something you will get eventually. Dont underestimate yourself, stop thinking if you lose weight you will find someone loves you, you are alone, which I know makes you sad, but you don’t have to lie on here, you need to sort your life out, you need to study and yeah get healthy. So you are depressed and the problem is that you are suicidal, so now that you know that, how are you going to work on this, now that you know that do you feel any better, you are allowed to get sad but one day you will live on your own, you will have your own job and you will live your own life, and that day is coming soon so if you cant handle being alone what are you going to do, if you don’t sort yourself out you are going to end up dating someone abusive again. Your emotions are crazy. Your life is crazy and your fantasy land is even worse, you need to get help, you need to get help, you need to get out of your head, this is no longer you looking to manipulate those around or get attention or is it? are you just trying to get attention. Is the problem that your own fantasy land is getting in the way of your real world, You have an hour and a half until your bus, you are alone, there is no one here to help you, because the one person who actually cared about you didn’t. People aren’t always going to be there for you. I don’t think I am actually going to do anything I just think about it too much, all the time compulsively. and at some point you need to look at the facts, you aren’t okay, you aren’t happy. Or are you happy, what is going on in my head my emotions literally flip flop way too often, all the time. Take a breath, clear your head and count to 100.
Wow. I just meditated and it was the best thing I have every done,
Steps when you feel over whelmed
1: listen to loud music and go for a walk or run
2: sit down and type literally everything that passes through your head
3: close your eyes, take a breath and count to 100, literally visualize the letters in your mind, so that you cant think about anything else.
I was spiralling out of control and now I am calm, too calm, Oh stop over thinking everything, you get it from your mother but you can break it. See you are an amazing person, you need to have your own back, yeah you could have texted Chris and told him you were suicidal, yeah maybe he could have helped, maybe he could have come and you too could have hung out, or you could learn to deal with things yourself, I know you want to call him and tell him but who gives a shit, you aren’t dating, you aren’t a couple you are just really good friends. And so you need to learn to deal with things yourself. On your own, because you are growing up and becoming a mature person, so let yourself live a little. let yourself feel, let yourself breath, and cut yourself some slack because you just a large number of hours study you have walked for about an hour and a half today and then you will catch a bus home, and hang out with your siblings, stop getting stressed and just do things, but don’t lose touch with your family and friends because people are meant to interact and be social and wanting to hang out and talk to people is normal so don’t stop doing that.
No comments:
Post a Comment