The task we must set for ourselves is not to fell secure but to tolerate insecurity.

Problem of the day today.

A big thing for me that I am still learning to do is not believe everything I think. Our minds a constantly looking for trouble. 

I had a really good day today. :) It is always incredibly annoying that a good day can be tarnished with a single bad comment and even though I moved on after a small amount of sulking because I understood it didn't come from a mean place, they didn't mean for it too hurt they just said something that shouldn't have been a big deal but is something I am sensitive too, I never got angry at them and I did move on but it still stings a little. 

I need to get a handle on ways to deal with this without blocking out the emotions, I need to actually deal with them and I need to find a way to be okay with my insecurities instead of tearing them down. 

Firstly lets talk about it what happened, Okay I was disrupting a study group with my witty banter, being hilarious, and I was called annoying. To be fair the exact words were, 'betty, stop being a annoying.' Which I was 100% doing, but I have been called annoying a lot and for some really stupid reason it hurt me, to hear it be said by friends. What I need to do is not get angry at someone for my own insecurities, instead I must find a way to overcome them, I need to recognise this as something in my head, and insecurity I have created from a place of embarrassment insecurity and an attempt to fit in a very desperate attempt to not feel lonely, and people use to find me really annoying, but that is the first time in years I have been called annoying, no friends have ever called me it and meant it, no friends have ever said it too be something that will hurt me. 

Now ways to move on from this. I am doing what I do best, researching.

What is insecurity its when you look at yourself from the perspective of another, someone with no appreciation for your talents, abilities or personality traits and then we judge ourselves from this view. 

Consider your insecurities beautiful. 

It is the vulnerability of spirit. 

It is pride. 

-Look at your insecurities and understand that it is perfectly normal to feel insecure the point is that you shouldn't let it get to you and you shouldn't let it affect your relationships with the people around you. 

-Think about all the positive things said about you. 

-Simplest thing, just avoid people who make you feel insecure. Surround your self with people who make you feel good about your self. 

-Understand that insecurity is invisible and all in your head, that is doesn't have to hurt you.

While I get that this is hard, it is something I am trying to understand, Yeah I was annoying today. Yeah I have been annoying in the past. I knew it, at least my friends said it. :) Not the end of the world, but something I had to get out of my head for and onto this blog, still something I had to deal with and still something I have to learn how to deal with next time.