banana Pancakes?

Negative thoughts bring you down, when you are trying to study and your mind is hypothesising about other people and what they might think, that is when you know you have a problem, because you, I need to stop caring so much what people think. I need to stop caring what people are saying, one it doesn't matter, if they choose not to say anything then they have chosen not to have a problem with it and if they have  good reason to talk about it, you have down something wrong, and thinking about your mistakes isn't going to help you with anything. There is nothing you can do you need to learn to just stop caring. How do I stop tip toeing around caring about what others think? It is exhausting and it is dreadful, it needs to stop. It makes you become someone you're not because you cant accept who you are. TODAY IS THE DAY, I STOP GIVING A FUCK.
No one really cares. that si the truth, no one actually gives a flying hoot about you or the things that matter to you, because for the most part they will be worrying about what you think of themselves, because lets be honest we are too busy thinking about our sleves and out own short comings. Plus on average people have 50000 thoughts a day. thus if someone thinks one thing about you, you will make up a mere 0.02% of there thoughts.
“You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.” 
The average person, including myself, filter their world around their ego and therefore most things relate too me or my, thus unless you do something that affects them, they aint going to really think about it at all.
You cannot please everybody, this being where the whole idea that you might as well focus on pleasing yourself. I mean think about the worst thing that can happen if someone judges you, Absolutely fucking nothing... So why do we spend so much time worrying about that People aren't gong to take time out of their busy lives to even react.
“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something in life."
Worrying about what people think can become a self profiling prophecy, often what you think can become who you are.
“You’ll worry less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.” 
HOW TO NOT GIVE A FUCK.
1. No your values, is you no what is important to you, you can stand up for them and you will stand up for them. For something you believe in.
2. Put yourself out there, do something you wouldn't normally do. Be different, stand out in a crowd and se that it really doesn't matter. SPEAK YOUR MIND.
3. Surround yourself with good people. People who will lift you up not bring you down,
4. Create a growth list, this I will do it includes your fears and the things that make you uncomfortable. And then do the things on the list. Again and again until, it no longer scares you.

THE WORLD IS ALREADY FULL OF PEOPLE WHO ACT LIKE SHEEPS, IT IS THE PEOPLE WHO DONT GIVE A FUCK THAT MAKE THE DIFFERENCES. 

Huh, hilariously enough now that it looks like Chris might not be angry at me and he may not hate me, it seems that I dont seem to think I need to work on myself, like the only imaginable reason for wanting to do that is simply to get him back, like the only reason I would need to improve me is because of him, so either I need to work harder to change me with him, or I cant do this with him, and honestly the answer is the second one, but am I able to say I ned space, please give me time. I need to work on me, and ever since I heard he wanted to talk to me, I have let my mind wander with out shutting it down, Yeah it was nerve raking and I panicked but once I managed to calm myself down I have actually been incredibly relaxed and that mixed with the wandering mind, that is wandering right now, why am I not shutting it down. Okay I am a little bit I identifying is the first step, the second is continuing to go through the steps of recovery, like an addict. Dont let it continue to happen, better myself for me better myself because you want to better yourself. 
I accept myself, I love myself, I forgive myself for the things I didn't know before I learnt. I didn't know I was depressed but now that I do it is important to make the necessary requirements to healing. I need to get out of my head. It is not a good place to be and it screws things up. It makes me not like myself. It leaves me not okay. He is messaging me, that means firstly he's okay, and clearly he has thought about things, he has had time, secondly it means I can forgive myself of rate things I have said. But in truth, I am not ready to talk to him, I guess I had hoped for more him, and that is a problem because I should expect anything form him, I should want anything from him. So by default that means I am not ready to talk to him.